Farmer Crockett?

May 31, 2018

When I was a kid, I always thought it would be great to be a farmer.  Wearing overalls, petting animals and growing food.  However; as I got older and my dad gave me the responsibility of mowing the lawn, I quickly realized I hated that job, not to mention, as I got older, I grew an unusual fear of large animals.  So needless to say, farmer is now out of my occupational horizon.  There is one thing on that list I don't hate and I'm not irrationally afraid of, and that's food.  Now eating food and growing food are obviously two different things, and seeing how I have trouble reading a ruler at the age of 32, I was willing to bet that my agricultural skills would also be lousy, but I figured, "why not?"   About a month ago, I had this crazy idea I wanted to try and grow hot peppers in my backyard.  My reasoning? I like hot peppers, I think hot peppers are insanely overpriced, and I'm Italian and I should have a green thumb.

So off to Walmart I went.  I headed to the back of the store to the greenhouse area where I was welcomed by A LOT of gardening options.  Feeling overwhelmed; I went to the seeds because I knew that was something I needed, and grabbed the bag that had the most variety of hot peppers in a pack. "Alright, this isn't so bad!" I said to myself with pure confidence.  "Ok, I need some sort of container to plant these bad boys in, so I found those little cardboard planting containers (I'm sure they have proper name) and said "This 12 carton should work" and moved onto the last step, dirt.  

I walked over to the dirt.... or "soil" for you gardeners out there, and was welcomed by a plethora of bags.  I couldn't believe it!  Do you really need this many kinds of dir...soil?  Of course, all the small bags of soil was sold out, and all that remained was the massive bags, that is, until I found a reasonable size bag with a cartoon worm on it, promising me that my plants would grow twice as fast if I used it.  Well seeing this promise was all I needed, so I grabbed the bag, and headed for the register.  I paid for my "farmers kit" and headed to my car.  

Curious about this "magical" dir...soil, I had purchased, I decided to look at it a little more carefully so see exactly why it would make my plants grow faster. As I read the bag, I quickly realized this was not magical potting soil... in fact, it wasn't soil at all!   It was some sort of weird worm residue you mix in with your soil!  Irritated, I grabbed this stupid worm junk, and stormed back into the store and returned it, and headed back to the gardening section. 

If there is one thing you need to know about ole Crockett,it's that I refuse to ask for help, even if I'm clueless on my current task, probably why I can't read a ruler at 32.  Not to be defeated by the gardening section, I head to the outside section of the store to look at the flower section.  There on a wooden pallet, were giant bags of potting soil.  Now, I knew I only needed about four scoops of dirt, but by this time, I had spent enough time at Walmart, so the big bag came home with me.  

Later that day, I went ahead planted the seeds in the soil, watered them and then prayed for the best.  As you know, we had about a month of non stop rain, so watering them wasn't a necessity, in fact, I kind of forgot about them to be honest.  So when the sun finally decided to make a re appearance in NEPA, I figured I should go out and water the plants.  Anxious to see the progress, I went outside to find.... nothing.  I thought, "What a bust!' Discouraged, I still water the soil, and went inside.  

Fast forward to Tuesday, I went outside to water the dirt, simply to amuse myself and make myself feel like I didn't waste a few bucks,  but what to my surprise did I find?  Yes!  There were green stems poking out of the dirt in a few of the containers!  I couldn't and still can't believe it, I actually have some peppers growing in my backyard.  The surprise is doubled for me, because a recent ancestry report shows, I am in fact, not Italian, so that green thumb odds, seemed to have dwindle even more. 

I'm staying positive though, even if I can get one pepper by the end of summer I will be happy, but don't expect me to start liking big animals or mowing the lawn anytime soon!   

~Crockett            

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